i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
