But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
