I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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