M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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