She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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