I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
