I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
