Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
