I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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