I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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