margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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