She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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