I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
