Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
