So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
