There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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