i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
