The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
