we have pet lesbian snakes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
