Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
