I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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