this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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