I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
