Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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