I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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