ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
