I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
