I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is the high leading the old right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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