You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
