If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
