I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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