I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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