So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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