The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
