Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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