I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Randomize
