Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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