and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
