Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
