Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
