how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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