Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
