Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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