I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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