my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I AM VODKA MAN
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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