things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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