It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
