The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
