I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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