apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
