I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
