p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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