He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
