if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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