Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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