so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
